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November 27th, 2002

09:47 pm
I want to make this a somewhat secret entry ..
Sorrow ..
So much sorrow ..
Minta is a liar. And she hurts me. Never once has she told me she cared.
Thank you Tanee, I do appreciate you. I will come to tell you that later when I'm not in such a bad mood.
I am blank. So blank.
Pain blinds me.
Why am I so alone?
Did I really make it that terrible on myself?
I'm living with a broken heart, a completely broken heart.
I used to run to Charlie ..
At least he would listen.
But now, the only person who I thought really loved me changed his mind.
Why do men always change their minds?
He isn't trying to talk to me, otherwise he would have called. I can't even remember the last time I spoke to him that it has been so long.
I didn't have Kiseki, didn't have schoolwork, didn't have poetries ..
Only had my three best friends.
Lost one of them.
Lost Caitlin.
For a while, lost JoAnna.
Dealt with the backstabbing of Serena.
Grades slipped.
Dealt with physical abuse.
I really hate being touched. I really hate being touched unless I am doing the touching. The only person I ever really let touch me was Charlie, and that was BARELY it. I wish I had someone I knew loved me touch me right now ..
I don't think I'll ever believe again that Charlie loves me.
I am just not one of those people who can be loved.
I'm selfish and terrible.
Makeup washed in lines from tears.
I'm never gonna have him back, am I?

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09:46 pm
I took that test of Dir en Grey that described my inner turmoil and well ... I looked up these lyrics ...
These could apply to me:
August 5th, Saturday not a cloud in the sky
from the top floor of this building if I notice, I'll inform of our parting
August 3rd, Thursday in my heart, a wound
the 6th wound it becomes torn, everything is broken everything

the first time we met, I noticed my own foolishness
always unbelieving of people wounding people
why didn't I learn of my love for you
having done this I cannot seem to forget this love
I believe in happiness I don't seem to notice
alone I was crying I didn't seem to understand you

more than this more than this I don't want to be hurt
but only now, it's only you that I wanted to love

there's a time I made sure to forget, but now I want to hold you close

I believe in happiness I knew your past
I cannot forget in spite of you

more than this more than this I don't want to be hurt
but it's only you I cannot hold closely, reassuringly

August 5th in a sunny sky with no clouds
already this is the end spread across the ground, staring at myself

"I embrace you" "I stare at you" "I love you" "I will remember you"

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September 7th, 2002

02:30 pm
I will post some of my favorite Korean letters here ...

Hello Jolene! your early answer made me so happy that I jumped for joy. but I don't write early and fast as my fool english. so I'm sorry. If there are any mishakes in my letter. do you understand me?
first, I tell about HOT(very good news) hee jun is on the first this week. and kang-ta will comback tommrow, and JTS publish a picture album. I want to buy .but little expensive ^^;; do you want know about famous food in my country?and rare gift. commom gift?
Kinchi is most famous korean food and pulgogi is the one of the most popular dishes in korea and which westemers find very plesing. it is generally called korean barbecue. do you know?
mum....about a month pass. August 15, lunar dalendar is called"chusok" one of the largest holidays in korea it is hte kirea version of Thanksgiving Day . at Chusok we pay a visit to our ancestral graves and observe a special ceremony to show them our homage and we make a special food called "songpyon" it is a rice cake with mashed beans, chestunut or sesame seed, stuffed in it. very delicious!frankly speaking, I don't know what the rare,common gift whe n give each other.^^;; anyway HOt CD rare in your country? do you want to HOT picteres and CD? if you want I'll try to send you about HOT,*^^* show me the snail address. Jolene, do you hate the art? but I'm interested in art. and I am acting at a group of art, november.- - our schoolhold on a festival, so L'm busy now make a work of art . because we'll hold an exhibition.
I'm so wonderd, are you korean? I heared HOT famous in china and asia nation, but I didn't heared in your country ^^
Jolene, I'm very scare now typhoon passing our country.
so main rainfall out the window, and about 30 people dead and lost, TT
Now I feel sleepy as it is getting so late I have to say good night ,(but your country now day light Ha Ha.....)
I'm looking forward to hearind from you again .please remember me to your parents, nest letter introduce our family.and my school life.
Good Bye.
I'm lucky girl because I meet you......
from Lonely jong mi

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May 28th, 2002

02:11 pm

Want to find out what Sweets symbolize your favourite singer ??

Lolipop : Junjin(shinhwa), Hyesung(Shinhwa), Tae woo (GOD)
They are: a man of character, frank and can recover easily from the pain of a breakup.
The girls they like : One who can take good care of them.

Soothing throat sweet: Andy (Shinhwa), Dongwan (Shinhwa), Kangta, Tony(JTL), Hoyoung(GOD), Jong Hyuk (CLick B)
They are: shy, gentle, just, sentiment, caring and enjoy a steady relationship
The girls they like: Gentle and sentiment

Bubble gum: Minwoo (Shinhwa), ,Danny (GOD) Sang Hyuk(Click B)
They are: practial people and they believe that love is not the only thing in life
The girls they like: One who can truthly understand him well.

Ginger sweet (ermm i dunno if it is the correct transletion for the name of the sweet): Brian (Fly to the Sky), Fany (FLy to the sky), Jung hun(UN)
They are: ambitous, petty but have a great sense of responsiblity
The girls they like: Graceful, a girl who required alot of love from him.

Chocolate: Eric (Shinhwa), Joon Hyung (GOD), Jung Won(UN)
They are: artistic,truthful, friendly and caring
The girls they like: One who is generous and have a great sense of taste.

Mai Ya Tang (i dunno how to translet the name of the sweet: but it is brown in color n is very sweet n sticky): Kyesung(GOD), Hosuk (Click B)
They are: easy to fall in love, to them love is not everything but once they found love they will try their very best to maintain the relationship.
The girls they like: They do not fancy girls that are too sexy and hot.

(Leave a comment)

Girlfriend's height(About how much): As long as she's not taller than me, it's fine.

What kind of body(i dunno how 2 word this): it's better skinny than chubby.

Girlfriend's personality: energetic

Age difference: 1-2 years

The first thing he looks for(image): eyes, hair style

Hair style preference: Long, straight black hair

Fashion style preference: Anything that goes with the person(?)

Whole image: Cute image

Something he really wants to get from his future girlfriend: anything..

Something he really wants to give his future girlfriend: couple ring

Something he wants to say to his future girlfriend: "Let's be lovers for a long time" (?)

Something he wants to do with his girlfriend: date just for the 2 of them

This kind of love is YES(good): honesty(?)

This kind of love is NO(bad): Not knowing much about the other person...

If someone he doesn't know proposes(this means like propose as in asking out) to him: Definitely no.

If he had difficulty sharing his feelings with the other person and got layed off: Although i would wanna give up, i'll keep trying.

One sentence of proposal: "I love you so much, be my other half(?)"

(Leave a comment)

11:08 am
JTL > 1 > translation

01. A Better Day

translation by: sarah c


a better day
why did you leave me?
another way
without a word
our beautiful memories
will not return to us again

i never even imagined that we could part so easily
after sharing joys and sorrows, we had to separate
we can't return to pure time together
every pure, beautiful day
everyone was jealous of us
but there was nothing to be jealous of
even though our past was a dark time
i consider myself lucky to have met you


yo! each meaningless day
you found your way to be a light to my tired and lonely soul
more than anything else in this world
we can't change spoken words
i can't explain it
the small and pure light from your eyes
with one kiss the world became mine and i felt blessed
now as i feel the emptiness of your leaving
there is a void deep in my heart
please forgive my inability to do anything for you


although i want to return to the winter of our love
i realize now that too much time has passed
time flows too fast
and it will bring new hot tears that roll down my cheeks with another goodbye
pictures inside dimming memories
although im told those memories won't return
please treasure the memories that i gave you of us

i face a new world (oh oh oh)
to start a new me (oh oh oh)
i wont long for you anymore (oh oh oh)
i'll forget you without regrets (oh oh oh)
i face a new world (oh oh oh)
to start a new me (oh oh oh)
i wont long for you anymore (oh oh oh)
i'll forget you without regrets (oh oh oh)

*chorus* x2

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10:34 am - Shih Hyesung's Yes And No

Talking to younger people is more comfortable than talking to older people..
- Yes
Gets easily drunk
- Yes
Going on a vacation or a trip by myself is no fun
- No
I am impatient
- No
I am a slow walker and fall behind other people..
- No
I'm a sexy type
- No (YES HE IS~!! ^__^)
I worry because i can't make good jokes very good
- No

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May 15th, 2002

09:33 pm
You Know You Are Obsessed With Gayo (and Korean stuffs in general) When...
I wrote this after reading You Know You Are Obsessed With Glay When... damn..it's mad funny..hehhee ^_^

1. You stopped hanging out with your friends and tried to make friends with Koreans instead.
2. Now all of your friends are Korean.
3. Your Korean friends stop being friends with you because they are tired of you making them translate the lyrics, articles and stuffs.
4. You know more about Korean bands than your Korean friends.
5. You own more Korean CDs than all your Korean friends combined.
6. You use "Aigo" instead of "Oh my gosh".
7. You say "Sarang Hae Yo" instead of "I love you" to your gf/bf.
8. ..and they say "Sarang Hae" back..
9. Most of your CDs are gayo. The only reason you still have non-gayo stuff is because they're gift from your significant others and you don't wanna hurt them.
10. ..but they've learned... now they'd only give you gayo stuff..
11. You have gigs of gayo stuffs (mp3, real, mpeg..etc..) in your harddrive.
12. You bought a second harddrive or a CD burner exclusively for your gayo data.
13. You download the mp3's even if you already have the CD's just because... well, there's no reason..you just feel like it.

14. You download all the MV's even though you already have them taped. the same reason as above..

15. You bookmarked all gayo websites out there in the net.

16. and you visit them everyday

17. ... and you also created one..

18. You have all gayo forums bookmarked.

19. You visit every forum everyday.

20. .. and you also post in every single one..

21. actually, you check every forum twice a day

22. ok.. five times a day..

23. and when you find out that there's no new post, you'll post something like "is this forum dead?" even though there're 5 new pages everyday but it's just you who visit the forum too often.

24. You have an email addy like hot_yujah@hot.org or hyori_namja@finkl.com

25. ..and you have like 5 or 6 email addresses of that kind, each for the member of your fav group

26. .. actually, you have like 30 of them coz you have 5 favourite groups

27. when Korean soccer team plays against your own country's team, u can't decide which side to take..

28. ok..you end up cheering Korean team

29. you have a screen name or icq nick like KT_bAbY, ErIc_ChuNSaH etc..

30. and you change your screen name everyday rotating in your fav group, of course.

31. When your friends are talking about which group is better, BSB or N'Sync, you go "Who the hell are they?".

32. You're taking Korean language class coz you want to understand the lyrics your oppa deul write yourself without going through the third person.

33. You feel guilty as if you're cheating on Tony (or whoever, put your fav here) whenever you're kissing your gf/bf.

34. You write him/her(your fav) an apology afterwards.

35. You can't live without Kimchee.

36. When you hear that your fav gasoos are coming to your city just for a short visit, you call all your friends to come to your house and help you make a big poster for greeting them.

37. ..then you call them not to come since u decide to do EVERYTHING by yourself ..ahh..to show your dedication

38. The next day, you are already camping outside the airport even they're not coming until next week.. and your school is still in session.

39. You'd still do the same even if you're in Florida and they're coming to LA.

40. ..and you eat nothing during the week coz your money is used up for the airticket.

41. You can memorize all konglish and translation for all your fav group's songs.

42. You can memorize all their DOB, height, weight, blood type, shoe sizes etc...

43. You send a birthday card prompty for every member.

44. ..but you can't remember your parents' birthdate

45. You've read all the fanfics available out there.

46. and actually you hate reading..

47. You've written one fanfic...

48. You've written tons

49. and you always end up happily ever after with your fav member

50. the villains are the members of your least fav group.

51. You bring your Korean CDs to school everyday and make everyone in your class listen to them.

52. You decided you wanna find a new desktop wallpaper and were going to spend fifteen minutes looking for one, you ended up spending the whole night with no homework done getting tens of wallpapers.

53. same goes with searching for a new winamp skin, screen saver

54. You're angry at your mom for not giving birth of you and rasing you in Korea.

55. You tried to get your dad asking his company for a transfer to the Korean branch.

56. You've been trying that for years and still, it doesn't work.

57. So you're looking for an exchange program..

58. You set your mind that you're going to Korea this upcoming school break no matter what

59. You've been practicing singing and dancing hard coz u're going to tryout once you get there.

60. You're learning how to cook kimchee jigae coz it's your fav's favourite dish

61. You draw a fanart

62. You messed up at it so you go take an art class. You can't forgive yourself drawing your fav so ugly.

63. You vote for your fav regularly for every poll

64. You vote others down at AStyle to make your fav be on the top ten

65. OK.. to make you fav be at NO.1!!

66. You regret doing that.

67. but you still do it every month

68. You know the shopkeeper of your closest Korean store very well coz u visit like everyday

69. Actually, you know the entire family very well.

70 You get discount.

71. and you also make friends with other customers too

72. and then you become best friends talking obsessively about your fav group.

73. For those of you with no access to Korean store like that, you find best friends on the net chatting about your fav group.

74. Whenever you get new pixs, you have to scan them immediately and post on forums. Sharing your happiness with others.

75. same goes with new vdos, new articles, interviews etc...

76. Oftentimes, you mistakenly call your boyfriend KangTa (or whoever your fav is).

77. You make him change his name to KangTa for your convenience.

78. You also make him have the same haircut as KangTa.

79. You shake your head helplessly when he turns out not half as good as KangTa.

80. You dump him. (hoo...this is a bit too harsh.)

81. You keep calling your dad for 10 minutes but he wouldn't turn to you, then you realize you've been calling "Appa" instead of "Daddy".

82. This happens to every one in your family too.

83. Eventually, they learn and now your brother call you "noona".

84. You wonder why they don't sell H.O.T (Sechskies or whatever) plush dolls.

85. so you make them yourself.

86. and you realize you can do H.O.T things on your own

87. So you start knitting H.O.T's hats, socks, sweaters etc..

88. you wear those everyday in school to help promoting H.O.T

89. and it's summertime -_-;;

90. Your favourite movie of all time is Seventeen (for Sechskies fans)

91. You file a request for Blockbuster to carry Korean gayo show tapes.

92. You make all your friends file the requests too.

93. When they ignore your requests, you swear you wouldn't step on the store ever again.

94. You dance "Shinhwa's Yo!" on your school cultural event but you're not Korean.

95. When asked what your biggest dream is, you answer without thinking "Being a gasoo!" but you're not even Korean.

96. ... and you're really positive that you can really be a gasoo. You'll always say "Look at those Y2K's jap guys!"

97. You start playing various kinds of sports eventhough you HATE sports but you really have no choice. Your fav like sporty girl~

98. You hate it when people dissing groups they don't like but when people start to diss your fav group, you diss their fav automatically.

99. You wrote a list like this.

100. If you haven't, you're thinking of making one. ^_^

the following is by Gizmo Gurl

101. You try to do the Techno Dance, which is now very popular in Korea.

102. You end up peuking on ur mother.

103. Your mother then takes u to a therapist.

104. She thinks ur mentally ill

105. u proove her wrong by listening to N' Sync

106. You then burn the American CD's and throw the ashes to a nearby cat.

107. The cat eats it.

108. It dies.

109. You then spend nearly Two Days catching up with important news u missed.

110. You missed nothing.

the following is by Newman

111. You print out all the Konglish for the songs because you don't speak Korean and you want to sing along.

112. You start to Chant the lines as you walk around campus or your home so you can remember them.

113. You print out the translations and try to figure out what sounds mean what in English

114. Your room mate knows the songs' names because you play them so much.

the following is by James

115. You want korean hairstyle

116. your parents get pissed because u put the music up too loud, and its korean.

117. your friends think ur korean, but ur really not

118. u start recording korean music videos on the international channel

119. u dedidcate korean songs 2 ur gf, and she don't understand it.

120. u yell "WE ARE THE FUTURE" out loud in class.

the following is by Milleu

121. your room is a shrine of your fav gasoo

122. You know deep down inside if your fav. gasoo ever stepped foot inside your room (ooh) they would try to get a restraining order on you

123. You have close to 14 or 15 "How to Learn...", "Teach yourself..", "Let's Speak.." korean books tapes etc.

124. You've totally got it in your head your gonna be a gasoo even when your not korean so you've decided to start small with some korean karaoke ( you went out and bought a karaoke machine when you found out about how popular it's come to be in Korea, Japan, Phillipines etc.)

125. you've started saving up money to someday vistit Korea

126. You print out or cut out pictures of Shoo and try to style your hair the same way...Good luck!

127. you keep up with what color your fav gasoo dyes their hair

(Leave a comment)

May 10th, 2002

02:51 pm - Monday Is The Anniversary...
Monday is the anniversary of the seperation of H.O.T. ... just to spite them :/ I have added the Promise Of H.O.T. Translation.

04. OoRi DeulAe MaengSae (The Promise of H.O.T)
Translated by fiery

We all draw the same dream in our minds.
At this moment, we feel that we are one.
The beautiful days came when we loved each other.

Sometimes when I couldn't stand the loneliness anymore,
What woke me up was the fact that we are one.

We know that it will be eternal.
Because we will all remember the promise we have always been making.
Until the days we grow old and tired,
The dream that can't be put to a sleep will be alive.

Maybe I can remember you
The practice hall we first met (The countless sweat and tears we shed along the way)
I can't forget them because those were such precious days.

The reason I couldn't sit and rest when I was tired or exhausted,
Was because of your love that had faith in me.

We know that it will be eternal.
Because we will all remember the promise we have always been making.
Until the days we grow old and tired,
The dream that can't be put to a sleep will be alive.

There are many days we have to explore together-
Let's gather our strength and start again-
The solid promise towards each other that wouldn't change-
The beautiful days will last forever-

We know that it will be eternal.
Because we will all remember the promise we have always been making.
Until the days we grow old and tired,
The dream that can't be put to a sleep will be alive.

(Leave a comment)

02:26 pm - So I don't lose it.
Moon Hee Jun 1st - 03 Our Story

ah moo guht do nuhn mo reu go eet neun guhl
nae ga man hi ah peu dan kuht do mal yeh yo
sa rang hae yo, sa rang hae yo, keu guhn byun ha mi uhb suh yo
dang shin ee yuht jyo keu rae ya man haet jyo
keu rae suh duh ook duh ka seum ee ah peu jyo
mi an hae yo, nuh moo mi an hae yo
keu dael bo nae ya ha neun geh

sa rang hae yo keu dae do na wa kat jyo ahl ah yo
keu dae ool ji mal ah yo
oo ri chuh eum man nan nal nuh moo haeng bok hae ssuh yo
keu rae jyo nal dduh na ji ma yo
keu dae dduh na ji ma yo

ee jen dduh na kal ggeh yo da shin na eui kyuh teh suh noon mool heul ri ji ahn geh na nuh moo ah peu ji man
ee jehn nan haeng bok hae yo keu dae soom gyuhl so keh suh oo rin young won han kuh jyo ee buhl ee ran ee reum eu ro ham ggeh (an dwae)

dang shin eul ahl go nuh moo haeng bok hae yo
keu rae suh duh ook duh ka seu mi ah peu jyo
nuh eui noon eul da shin moot beul gga bwa nan keu geh doo ryuh wo ssuh yo

sa rang hae yo keu dae man sa rang hae yo
uhn jeh na yak hae ji ji ma la yo
keu ruhl il uhb jyo na eh geh dal hae bwa yo
mo deun keh da kuh ji shi ra go jeh bal dduh na ji ma yo

ee jen dduh na kal ggeh yo da shin na eui kyuh teh suh noon mool heul ri ji ahn geh na nuh moo ah peu ji man
ee jehn nan haeng bok hae yo keu dae soom gyuhl so keh suh oo rin young won han kuh jyo ee buhl ee ran ee reum eu ro

ham ggeh hal soo uhb neun kuhl jal ahl go ee ssuh (keu ruhn deh wae nal dduh na ryuh hae yo)
oo ri ee ya gi man ee rwung geh seul peun ga yo
him deul ddaen (eet ji ma la yo) keu dae man sa rang hae yo

ee jen yak sok hal ggeh yo da shin oo ri kyuh teh suh
noon mool heul ri ji an geh ah moo ri him deul uh do ee jen ee buhl eun uhb jyo ee ruhn ah peum so keh suh oo ri young won han kuh jyo sa rang ee ran ee reum eu ro.... ham ggeh

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